"You are weak, weak and pathetic." She didn't lift her face, hiding behind the curtain of hair. It was her only shield, one so feeble and fragile but perhaps hiding her emotions was of more priority.
"You are such a shame and disgrace to our family. Have you ever thought about us? How could you when you are too busy being selfish." Yes indeed, it hurt and the heaviness was too much on these weak shoulders that they couldn't help but crumble down. The urge to call someone for help clenched her heart, but she knew no one in this house would do so. For a seven-year-old, she felt like she was very dumb since she didn't know what she did wrong to earn this punishment.
It has been four years now, and she still doesn't know.
She was used to the pain that she felt in her bones and muscles. It was a daily routine now. As soon as the hands of the clock paused at eight in the evening every day, she tried to brace herself for what was about to come but it never helped.
"It would have been better if we just let you out in the streets and leave you alone. That's what you want don't you?" The angry scowl on her father's face scared the young soul even more but most of all, she was sad. Sadness had engulfed the small spark of light inside her.
Such dark sorrow should not exist for such a young age.
Hot streams of tears cascaded down her face, but they were invisible to her father as he did not have any mercy and kept on hurting his daughter relentlessly, with words such sharp as daggers she was bound to bleed. The disgust was clear in his eyes as he fisted his hand with the urge to hurt her even more as fury and lost consciousness made him do things which he did whenever he was the slightest bit upset. His daughter was the suitable punching bag as her silence and vulnerability almost seemed to beg him to hurt her. Defencelessly she just looked at her father's face with her glossy eyes, waiting for him to notice her, to actually see her and what she was feeling. But he didn't because he was blind whenever he saw her.
Fury was still hot inside him like molten lava as he spat on the floor with a scowl on his face that expressed his disgust more openly than she could ever imagine like she was the first and last person he hated the most. A stranger, a foe, a hostage. Hatred had never been so cruel as fate itself. It churned inside this being like the devil's mind and possessed him like a demon. Why did she choose to come here? Why didn't she die like she was supposed to? It would have been a relief on both ends.
Her white dress with several stains and stitches on them seemed to be made for a child of a much younger age but her petite and skinny figure seemed to fit anyway. Moreover, it was loose on her as it swished below her knees when she lost her balance and fell on the floor. The sound of cloth tearing sped her heart faster as she looked at her father again, hoping he didn't hear the tear in her dress. But it was too late.
"Did. You. Just. Tear. Your. Dress? Do you even know how much that dress costs? Of course, you wouldn't because you have never earned a single penny. You don't know how hard I have to work to earn a dollar every day and here you are wasting and destroying everything like the princess you are." Tired and helpless, she gave up. The energy to even wail was lost yet her tears were unforgiving since they never stopped their distressed downpour. Things pile up and then one day the tower collapses and bring everything down with it.
You can only hold on for so long.
There was still something missing to him. The satisfaction was not yet enough. With one push of his hand, he slammed her on the floor and got up from the dying wooden chair as it creaked painfully. The floor beneath him winced every time he walked towards the door with his dark charcoal boots whose squeaks always triggered the unmeasurable fear inside her. It was like a warning, an alarm of his arrival that made her life more dreadful than it already was.
The door was left wide open as he walked out leaving a trail of echoes behind. There was a huge temptation to walk out of that door and never look back, but she knew better than that. The things that were going to happen next was not a mystery to her. He was angrier than usual, she made him angry, and so he was going to quench the fire inside him by drinking her innocent feather tears.
Two pairs of footsteps walked towards the doorway and stopped outside, staring at the cocooned body of their own blood and flesh. The last part seemed to be lost to them since they didn't even acknowledge the tremors that ran through her body and walked towards her with a renewed anger churning inside them. A cold splash of water blinded her as she closed her eyes and let the tears get wash away. She was thankful that they won't be able to see her tears now. She didn't want to be weak, it was not chosen by her.
She was forced.
She was submitting.
Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to have no feelings at all? No happiness, no sadness, no evilness, nothing. Just like trees. They don't feel anything at all, and they are okay with it because they never experienced anything emotional. Any ways, they don't have an option. But we do. So what happens when you are numb and there is nothing left at all? I never hurt myself because I felt dead, I did because I didn't. The pain inside had swallowed everything and it just won't stop. It wanted to get out and tear through my skin. The waves surging inside wanted to break through, and so I had to let it. I had to pick up the blade and drag it across myself and see the blood ooze out of the gashes. At that moment, there was no wrong or right, the devil was not sitting on my shoulder and neither was conscience. It was just me trying to help myself. Death, I never wanted to kill myself nor show anyone how broken I am. So my thighs seemed to be the better canvas for
Are they supposed to be forgotten? Forgiven for all those times when tears drowned those eyes. Those sleepless nights all alone Lying on the bed with the stained pillows. Crying and laughing and crying again For the fate that has chosen A life that never ends. **** I woke up to the flash of bright light falling on my closed eyelids. The urge to open them and see what's happening was immense but the strange heaviness that possessed them made it impossible for me to do so. Perhaps I could use my hands to help me but alas they were tied up but not on top of my head like before. Instead, they were painfully arched back and held together with something that had severe sharp teeth for grip and the more I tried to struggle, the more my hands bled. My legs were in the same condition. Needless to say, I was tied up with zip ties. Slowly parting my lips, I tried to call for help but was soon interrupted by the ine
Bang... Bang... BANG! The deafening slam of the metal rod on the cold hard floor shook me every time he slammed it down. Sometimes he would do so with such force that the ground beneath would shiver under his wrath. Even that unmoving smirk on his face screamed volumes than his words or actions did. "I remember the first time I saw you. With that small little smile and those big teary eyes, you looked so fragile and broken. Your need to hide everything behind that pretty face was what drew me closer to you." His calloused fingers slowly dragged from my right shoulder to my left as he came by and stood behind me. I had no idea where this was headed to or what he wanted it to head to. His words confused me more by each passing second and no matter what, I couldn't find any memories of what he claimed had happened. "It was Christmas Eve. You and your family came to our house for dinner. Shy and quiet with your head bowed down by an invisi
Maybe it was the close proximity I shared with him or perhaps it was the poor ventilation in the dark empty room but whatever it was, I couldn't breathe any more. It's like at that moment I didn't know how to. The ability to concentrate or focus on anything was absolutely impossible when that taunting piece of past dangled in front of my eyes so hauntingly. For a moment it almost seemed like an illusion, something my mind had concocted out of its own accord in such a stressful and panicking situation. But... I wanted it to be a lie, I hoped it was and so the urge to touch and feel and believe that polaroid's true presence, with slightly yellowing edges, was immense. At the same time, I wanted it nowhere near me. I wanted to burn it, to tear it into bits and pieces, to destroy it because it triggered a longforgottenor rather suppressed memory that I never wanted to resurface up again. Say cheese!!! That sickly sweet voice rang in my ears and tore t
"Say cheese!" My mother who seemed unusually excited chimed in her shrill voice to grab the attention of the room full of people, standing in scattered small clusters, as she took pictures of them and their loud smiles. A moment captured in time forever, a memory which would hardly ever be recalled again but it succeeded in achieving what she wanted. To show how happy and silly we were. The truth? Not so much. That was the point. These pictures, these happy smiles, these parties, it has always been the point. To avoid suspicion, to act normal, to blend in. Getting people's affirmations felt like having a subconscious conscience where everything they did was justified, and they knew that if something ever happened then they will always be supported by these people who didn't know the harsh reality of their true faces. She tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear as for a moment her facade broke and with that still pearly white smile on her
The cold touch of something stroking my bare arm rose a trail of goosebumps in its wake and left me shivering. It was a moment of oblivion, a welcome one since I didn't know where I was, who I was with. At that moment the man with the green eyes didn't exist and neither did his unthinkable and unpredictable plans saved for me. This stage in between consciousness and unconscious was the most relief I could possibly have and live in and although it lasted for a few seconds, I was left with the yearning for more before I opened my eyes and faced the inevitable reality of being caged in the arms of my captor. The warmth of his breath fanned my bare neck, shuddering the wisps of my unkempt hair back and forth. I dared not to breathe at all and clenched my eyes shut in the hopes of falling into the darkness of sleep again, but it was all in vain. I heard him smirk behind me as his ice-cold fingers kept trailing and drawing figures on my arm which I couldn't quite understand.
Liza. A shiver ran down my spine as I realized how much I miss her. The shine in her eyes every time she made her favourite chocolate filled cookies and then ate almost all of them because she loved them so much. How she always talked about doing crazy things to her hair but settled for the least ridiculous option. The way she knew her way around everything and never really failed. Oblivious of the charm she had and the light she spread. The first person who stepped into my life and made me realize that all people are not the same. That there is more to the world outside my cage. The first person for whom I almost opened the door. A girl who didn't care about why I was silent. She respected my privacy and understood boundaries better than anyone. She never pushed too hard neither did she let me get through things myself. She just always knew what to do in situations where nothing could be done. Unlike me. I wish I could say that it w
I was not in control. From the moment I met him, I never was. He had this twisted charm that made everything work in his favour always, or maybe he was so stubborn that everything just curled under his unrelenting clench. A man so intransigent, lost to the reasoning of right and wrong, and in control. The numbness was all that I could feel and welcome as I let myself drift into the unknown harmony that controlled me; that I have never heard before yet played so smoothly like it was a part of me. A version of me I knew better than anyone. A version of me that nobody knew. It's funny how time can exist, freeze, move forward, backward, and then forward again. Suddenly it doesn't exist at all. What's left is an irreplaceable shadow that doesn't reoccur ever again. It's always the first and the last, yet we like to pretend that it's the same the next time even though it will never be the same. The exact same shadow that once was created is