Resisting the Beta

Lingering on the wooden porch of the Cragstone packhouse, everyone is celebrating. A band plays, the full moon glows with summer drawing to a close. Joy, sex and happiness everywhere, but fuck all for me. Bitter but true.“Beer?” nudges Alpha Cillian. My fox-haired leader studies me when I silently take the bottle. “Maybe try a smile? You’re allowed to enjoy a party you know.”“It will take at least twenty more of these then,” I reply grimly, taking a hefty swig before grabbing the Alpha’s from him with a cheeky swipe. “Hey, nothing crazy this month?” Cillian remarks cautiously. “Of course not Alpha,” I reply, adding a sarcastic salute that leaves him rolling his sky blue eyes. Everyone is happy. As the single women finally complete their skipping, weaving dance between the other unmated men of the pack there is the occasional yelp of delight. Another young couple finding their forever bond. A moon-forged connection stronger than blood, bribery or betrayal.Lucky for me, I have alre

I knew she’d be hard work. The amount of guilt pulsing out of her before she folded to her sisters and agreed to stay had me feeling nauseous. So maybe she really does hate me. Or perhaps she is just a stubborn fool who won’t admit there is a reason we are mates? I barely slept last. Paced my way around the back of the packhouse long after the party ended. There isn’t much time to make this count. I need to spend time with her, somehow./We need to understand her, why has she hidden for so long/ Adamo suggests softly.My wolf is always worth listening to. A huge ashy blonde beast, people assume like me, my wolf is purely built to kill. He’s actually a soft, caring, ponderous old soul. I’m a good guy too. If she hadn’t cut me off mid-sentence last night she would have known that. Halfway towards saying “I don’t want your guilt, shame and all that shit to steal anymore of your happiness away,” before she took me out. Swiping at me like I didn’t weigh three times more than her.Ming

I leave them to it. I know my father ends up in the same situation. He works with wood, not because he’s unintelligent but because he’s a quiet master of his own world. Built like this, it's often assumed we're only good for heavy lifting. Those attitudes turned my father into an assassin, me into a fighter. I should be relaxing, but I can’t switch off. Because on the other side of that wall, I remain connected to Naomi. It’s not good. Dark waves of guilt lash me like waves against cliffs. I know she fell hard for Adrian, but this amount of pain isn’t normal, surely? Her heart lurched at Eleanor, mentioning the Ceremony, is it because she dreads the idea of us having one? It leaves me turning down food and pacing the grey stone corridors, chatting to the builders, and marvelling at the plans Alpha Zeka and Luna Freya have created. I thought wolves had to be marked before this level of emotional connection was possible. But I know my mother and father have some running joke

Naomi’s sisters are proving to be the bane of my life right now. Every time I take a step forward, one of them leaves a rusty, lethal bear trap for me to step on. “What do you mean you’re leaving? Leona! Come back!” Naomi calls out, swiftly jumping off me to chase her out of my room without a glace back. She doesn’t even shut the door after her, allowing a concerned Wren, two builders, and a passing cook to get a look at my naked body as I stand there like a bemused fool. Angry voices bounce down the corridor. “You won’t change my mind, Naomi!” “I don’t understand. You won’t even stay another day?” “I can’t! I don’t want to be here!” Fuck. I drag on some sweatpants. Stalking down the corridor it’s easy enough to catch up to their noise. Leona dressed all in black, ready to kill versus the sports-bra and leggings clad Naomi. “Why! What’s more important than finding out who was sheltering Gustav, who killed him? What it means for Shadowlands!” “I COULDN’T GIVE A FUCK AB

The reality of Naomi’s desperate little noises is far superior to any of the fantasies Adamo has allowed to fly through my head since she returned. My only lie was promising I’ll try to wait. The time we spend pretending we’re not meant to be a couple feels like a waste. I know myself. Now I have had a taste of how it could feel, I can't give it up. I don't blow up with rage or start smashing things up when things dont go my way. I’m like my father. I go in on myself. Implode. It happened a week or so after Naomi left. Doubled up when Leona gave birth. It wasn’t her fault, but my heart and wolf were in meltdown. Every scream I heard bellowing out of the Kharkov residence, my mind created images of Naomi undergoing the same, but alone. Alpha Zeke tried to talk to me whenever he visited, swearing to me that he would look after Naomi. Even so, my world caved in. My size became my biggest weakness. It felt like everyone was wondering what my flaw was. What had Naomi seen abo