7. Useless Attempt

"...Sir. I don't know how to say it since you are in the place of forgiving me- let alone giving me the chance to say my words are not even near you, but now that I have you in front of me, I can't lose that chance. I don't want anything from you right now.. the only thing I wanted right now was a chance to speak. And.. Thank you for that." 

She stopped and continued her words after swallowing heart. "You're thinking all wrong about me. Assuming wrong things about me. I have truly changed. I know you won't.. But, believe me. I.. I have changed. You don't know how regretful I have been living since the day I went to Australia. I was alone.. I did all that, not by thinking I could gain people in my life, I was only being selfish. I- I know nothing of this sort will help me change your mind even for a second, and I also don't know why am I even saying this. But…"

He was just staring at her with a straight face the whole time and she was speaking continuously without halting and without removing her eyes from his face. She took a deep breath and looked back at him and prepared herself to let all inside her to get out- somehow.

"My main reason was.. That all my life I wanted to apologize to you at all cost. I would have tried to get in touch with you or any of your family members but I just couldn't gather enough courage in myself. I have spent all these years thinking how bad I have done. I regretted and I regretted so much.."

Her voice began to speak in a voice being slowly croaked and with sincerity filled in it. "I wanted to at least say.. I'm sorry. I wanted you to know that I have really regretted and tried to be the person you really thought I was. I disappointed you, I disappointed my whole family, I didn't gain anything. Yeah, I thought I could, at least peace, but, no. Slowly slowly, it paid off. How my life taught me the lesson of the hurt I cost you."

A tear fell down on her cheek, immersed in the moment she was trying to tell him that she wasn't caring to look around herself and at the place she was standing at that time.

"Now that I know you are here, alive, successful and even in front of me, I really really want to take this chance to apologize to you. I want nothing else in my life if you'd forgive me. Nothing-"

"Are you done?" He just tilted his head a little bit and said.

"No. Just one more thing. I thought of asking this just now, can you please give me a chance to prove myself? To prove all this to you for once.. Because I know you won't- I mean I.. I would do anything to prove to you that I am not lying.. I will be present for you and for your forgiveness even if you would not believe me my whole life."

Selena took a long breath and kept looking at him in anticipation to what would he say. Shaydon got up from his seat, slowly walked in front of his table, put both his hands on his pockets and smoothly looked directly up at her.

"If you're done, then get out of my office now." His voice was emotionless and he waited for her to walk out from there. When she couldn't comprehend what he said, she asked,

"I- I don't understand-"

"You have said what you wanted. Now, get the hell out of my office!!"

She flinched when he suddenly shouted and took a step back. "But-"

"You won't get it, right?" He said out of control his anger and began to walk towards her after getting his hands out of his pockets. Selena gritted her teeth in defeat and was ready for this. "Get out!!"

Selena looked down and hurriedly walked out of his office. When she opened the door, she saw that people outside heard his voice coming from his office and everyone was looking in her direction. She quickly walked away from there. Everyone was whispering to one another what could've happened inside, and Mark was concerned as well.

When he saw her running out from the office, he ran into Shaydon's office and saw him sitting on his seat and peacefully working on his laptop. He walked to his side and leaned to him, "What on earth happened? Why were you yelling at her?"

"She did not do her work properly." He replied without looking up. Mark stood straight and looked at him in disbelief and asked,

"So? Why did you let someone else’s anger out on her?"

'Not someone else’s, Mark. But, the anger of her, gets out on her.'

Shaydon thought but didn't say it. "I didn't."

"Okay, then, tell me how is it okay for you to yell at her like this? You never shouted at any female worker until now? What work had she not done properly?" Mark asked now with a calm voice. Shaydon looked up at him for a few seconds, but didnt say anything and again began to work.

"Wha- answer me, come on. Look, don't get angry with her. You know that she’s new, so it will take time with her to fully set herself according to this company’s work."

Mark looked at him for a few seconds, then said again, "Give her time, okay? I know she can do better. Are you listening to me?" Shaydon ignored the rest of his talks and Mark finally went out of his office.

After Mark was out, Shaydon looked up from his screen, and his face was showing the remaining anger he was unable to suppress. Suddenly he shut his laptop’s screen and stood up. He slid his hand across his face, then sighed.

When Selena got out of the washroom, she found Mark standing outside waiting for her in nervousness. "Oh, thank God, I was waiting for you.."

"Um, why were you-"

"I was here to apologize to you on behalf of him. I don't know why he just lost his temper, but he dont get angry easily. So I came to apologize.."

'It was the anger which was held inside for years.. I don't know what to do after this.'

She thought, then began to tell him. "No. You really don't have to, it's fine. I will try to do better and not disappoint him." She smiled faintly and Mark nodded. Mark stood there looking at her, he wanted to say more but did not find this time right, so he eventually turned back to leave.

She walked back to her seat with an ashamed expression like the reason he shouted was really because she hasn't done her work properly, but she didn't know that 'he' wanted to show it really was, as another man came to her with some more files to work into.

"Sir ordered to get this work done before the evening, that you will do it. Without completing it, you can't leave." He left everything on her table and walked away. Selena placed her hand on her forehead as she looked at it.

In the evening, she saw everyone began was preparing to leave, she looked back towards his cabin and thought,

'I think I made a mistake by going to him. It is clear that he doesn't want to listen to me, and I should stay far away from him for his good.. And if I want to work for him.'

She made it clear in her head that she will not try to ask for his forgiveness because she won't be able to make a place in his heart, now, ever.

It was late, and almost everyone left. As usual, Shaydon didn't and Selena tried to wrap all the work he had given to her then take her leave. Soon she saw the lights were off and the whole place was now covered in darkness.

'I think they don't know I'm still here. Did everyone really leave?'

She got up to leave as her work was now done. She slowly walked to the lift, when she saw Shaydon was walking towards her direction straight from his office. Her whole body got stiff when her eyes were refusing to see anywhere but him. In this darkness, and in this silent but huge place, alone with him.

He came and stood beside her, but the lift was taking time. Selena realized she hadn't removed her eyes until now, but, before she could look straight, she heard him saying by his eyes ahead, in his usual voice filled with hatred towards her.

"What did you gain by doing this? Sympathy?"

'Now' she moved her eyes from him and looked straight. She didn't know what to say, so she stood still. He turned towards her, and her heart picked its pace. Also scared to see what he would do or say now. He took a step closer to her and she kept looking straight, struggling not to look at her side.

He grabbed both her shoulders harshly and turned her to him, "What did you think? I would cry and sympathize with you for whatever you lived through? So I will forget each and everything and have I forgiven you? Really? What did you imagine? Now that you are here you can impress me for your own entertainment?"

"What…" A whisper of disbelief came out from her mouth, not knowing if she really should tell him, the oblivious him of not being aware that how she came far away from just playing to entertain her surroundings.

He pushed her back a little, and began to take slow steps towards her. With each step, she was walking backward, with their gazes never going away from each other.