Chapter Seven

Aurora Point of View

"Perhaps you don't know why you feel like this, or you've always been like this. Chasing the notion of a home, not knowing where it's supposed to be, you think you're supposed to find it in yourself, but you feel a mess. The loneliness is everywhere, even in the midst of people as they blur into one. It's a sadness that always return. A familiar grief that has made a home in your ribcage. You are lonely, torn between who you are, and who you want to be -- you want to be a Wanderer, want to fleet and drift, but you want to be loved, you want to have a home. You don't know how these two can work together."

How dare he? Talk to me about loneliness, about emptyness, how dare he?

I pull my black hair into a bun, shaking my head, trying to get rid of all the thoughts of Alexandru. I shouldn't have gone back hom -- to New Orleans, it brought nothing, but pent up thought, I still can't believe I exploded at him, but he had it coming. I can't believe I kissed him, but that is something I'll easily forget, cause it was a mistake, everything I thought I felt was a big mistake. It was all psychological, not mate bond or whatever it's called, I thought I needed him, thought I wanted him, I was overwhelmed with everything surrounding me, I was tired, naturally, my guard was low, it was a mistake, it's one I never want to think about, it's an embarrassing mistake, that embodies every reason I never want to go back.

I'm never stepping foot in New Orleans again, ever.

I fold my clothes, till I'm almost done with it all. Then I move to my little library. I'm a reader, and I've been a reader all my life. My mom once told me Book was once of my first words. I was born to read, bad it's an habit I've nurtured and one that has grown rapidly over the years. Sadly, I haven't had much time to indulge as much as I use to, it saddens me, but I've been busy.

Zoe went to visit her parents in Alabama, and Cyp is still in Romania, I miss them so much, they are my center, and lifeline.

I pull out the first book, then I pour it all on the tile. I dust the wooden library, admiring the make. I got few years ago, I was attracted to design on it, a little butterfly. I clean, and polish, then I arrange the books on it bit by bit, loving the feel and sight of my books. I reach a book - The Invisible Life of Addie Larue, and I frown, titling my head as I remember bits of the story. I put it aside, cleaning my entire collection of Harry Potter, and Percy Jackson. I arrange the books, and fix the settings. I steal a glance at the novel, but I bite my lips, leaving it there, going to the kitchen.

My kitchen is a mess. I live in an a penthouse apartment at SoHo, the rich side. Zoe lives in Hell's Kitchen, while Cyp lives in L.A. I stare round my large kitchen, shamed at the mess, but delighted at the size. This was the first thing I bought when I got my first paycheck, well with my savings, it was a birthday present for myself, I've been living for two years and counting.

I get to work, cleaning and scrubbing, my grumbling stomach distracting me, and only then do I remember I haven't eaten. I decide on pasta, but the New Orleans girl in me won't make me ear pasta when I'm this hungry, so I decide to go all the way out. I'll make Gumbo and Red Beans and Rice, it's a lot, but I don't mind. I'll cook enough for Zoe and and Cyp. They love my food.

___

There was no reason to stay in New Orleans, I love my parents, but they should visit me. Love is hard for us, people like me, because our soul is not here, it is far away. They say nostalgia is longing for the past, what do we call longing for the future -- hope? I'm absolutely terrified of the future, I know things may not work out the way I want, but I can't help but hope. I've never belonged in New Orleans, and I know that I belong her, in New York, with the insanity and chaos of the city. The city that never sleeps.

Charles Bukowski wrote, when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want, what do you call it, freedom or loneliness? I'd wonder, how does freedom taste, to be free, to belong to no one but yourself? I use to long for that, for everything it is -- to fleet, to drift, to stray amongst lives and leave as fast as you arrived. I wanted to leave and never come back, never stay in a place for too long. I wanted to be free, to have a home in myself, so I left, and I built a home in me, with an unshakable foundation, and it is beautiful.

I blink, getting my attention back to the book. V.E. Schwab's Addie Larue is becoming one of favourite of all time. It feels amazing to see yourself in s character, and I see so much of me in Addie Larue, hilarious since we share a name.

"You want to be loved, but seeing as you're lonely, no one will love you. You want to be enough for yourself, but you don't like yourself very much. You once watched Little Women and cried like a baby, because you think your life sucks and you see Jo March, you look like Jo March, you feel like Jo March, you want to be a powerful woman who is not just kno. "

I shake my head, feeling frustrated, I wonder why his words are still stuck in my head. Once again, I direct my attention back to the beautiful book in my hands. It is a beautifully written and captivating novel that explores the themes of freedom, identity, and the human desire for connection. The story is set in France during the 18th century and follows the life of Addie LaRue, a young woman who makes a Faustian bargain to live forever but is cursed to be forgotten by everyone she meets.

The novel is expertly crafted, with a richly imagined world and characters that are both relatable and intriguing. The author masterfully weaves together Addie's past and present, revealing the many struggles and triumphs she has faced over the centuries.

One of the standout elements of the book is the vivid descriptions of France in the 18th century, which create a strong sense of time and place. The historical details are well-researched and add depth to the story, while also highlighting the stark differences between Addie's life in the past and present. It makes me love France more.

I eat my gumbo, I put the book down, and I call Cyp. He picks up almost immediately, like he's been waiting by the phone for me.

"Hi, my love." I grin staring at his beautiful face, his eyes glowing at me.

"Hi my darling." He grins, shifting behind the screen, trying to get settled in a comfortable position.

"How are you?" I smile, taking a bite of the rice.

"I see you're eating again. Leave me some." He tease and I giggle.

"I am fine. I should be back soon, it's just that work has been annoyingly hectic, Mom is getting better, but not there yet. I'm thinking of flying her to Los Angeles, but she can be quite dramatic, so we'll just have to see, but I'll very much love her to meet you. The two most beautiful and important women in my life."

I blush "I'll love to meet her too. How's your dad and every body?"

"They are all doing good, delighted to have me home no doubt, but Ronan and Christian are leaving tonight, which is why I have to stay a little longer. I saw Ronan's baby girl for the first time and she's beautiful, with amazing curly hairs, I genuinely can't wait, my love."

"Me too. I can't wait to start a family with you."

We continue talking for almost an hour until Zoe call comes in.

"I have to go, it's Zee." I say, and he nods.

"Hey babe." Zoe grins, smiling at me. She looks so good, refreshed.

"You look amazing." I smile at her, she shrugs.

"It's a sign of good living. You look beautiful too." She winks.

"How's everyone there?" I ask

"There are all good. How was the Big Easy?"

I grimace "It was okay."

"Uh uh. What happened, tell me." She says, looking worried.

I'm ashamed to admit that I've never told Zoe or Cyprus about where I come from, and their abnormalities.

I chose my words carefully "I ran into an ex. More like collided."

"Oh. It was awkward?" She winces.

"Yes. He is demanding and stupidly confident. I hadn't seen him in over five years, so I was shocked at his sight." I say, and she nods.

"Hope he didn't try anything stupid?" She says, concerned.

I laugh, the thought of Alexandru trying something stupid is hilarious, he's a gentleman. "He didn't. He's a gentleman."

Zoe stares at me with piercing eyes "What are you not telling me Rora."

Everything, I'm not telling you a lot of things, instead, I laugh to dissolve the tension "Cyp wants to have kids. That's what I'm not telling you."

Her eyes light up "You lucky girl. Pick a date already."

I smile, but it fades when she goes back to the topic "How's Dad and Mom?"

"Their anniversary was good, but they want me to come back home. Of course I said no vehemently, how will they ask me to come back home?" I say, feeling angry all over again.

"Talk to me." Zoe says, her voice soft.

"I hated that place. I hated everyone there. I hated him especially. How dare him, how dare all of them, asking me to drop everything and come back home. I know I have a big family," I say, choosing my words carefully.

"But I left home to be free, I've never been part of them, never felt like them, I am the odd one out and I like it. I want it to remain that way. Then I saw him, Luc, he looked so grown, it was the first time I was seeing him, I won't lie he looked good, but he opened his stupid mouth and commanded me to stay, stay in New Orleans, leave New York, leave my job, my apartment, leave my best friend and boyfriend, I told him to go fuck himself, in nicer terms. It's hard to believe these people hypocrisy, with Luc calling me his Mat -- Soulmate infront of everyone, it was so embarrassing, I hated it."

I suck in a breath, feeling my self hurting.