Chapter 6

"I love Cleandra, Jha. She worth the world to me."

"But I love you. I love you, Exiquel!" I almost lost my voice when I screamed.

He looked at me with a shock expression and shook his head like he can't believe what I just said.

"I won't go against our family's decision, Quel. I'm sorry. I have been so selfless my whole life, let me be selfish, even if it's just for now. I love you."

I groaned when the sunlight hit my eyelids. I removed the wet towel on my forehead and sat at the edge of my bed. I massaged my temples when it throbbed a little.

I looked at the door when it opened.

"Daddy," I called with a hoarse voice. "Are you off to work?" I awkwardly asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, I just went to check on you. Do you feel better now?" He asked and went to touch my forehead.

"Of course, I am. I am your Mulan, am I not?" I joked with a small smile.

My inner demons rejoiced when my father hugged me. "Don't make us worried sick again, Mulan."

I broke our father and daughter moment when my mom knocked wearing a mischievous grin.

"I thought you guys are in Tom and Jerry mode? Why did it suddenly turned into Mulan?"

"Stop it, mom." I pouted.

"I see you're finally okay. I brought you a healthy meal, big baby. Finish this, am I clear?" She strictly instructed. "I'll watch you eat."

"Don't you have a work today?" I asked, confused.

"Speaking of work, I have to go. I'll see you guys later. I love you."

"Bye, hon. Take care." Mom kissed dad in front of me and it's kind of disgusting, though, it's sweet.

"Aren't you gonna work too, mom?"

"I took three days leave for my daughter," She smiled and fixed my hair. "I want to stay close to you before you finally realize that you have to go back, just like how we realized that we have to let you go."

"Mom," I warned and she giggled.

"Come on, Rae, oh, do you still want to be called Raeya?"

"As far as I'm concerned, my real name is Esmeray Athijha. So, Rae will do."

"Okay, come on, darling, eat your breakfast."

"I love you, mom."

When I got better, I spent the day to find a job. I was walking with the people on the street when all the sudden, blinding flashes of lights and soft clicks enveloped my whole scenario.

"Miss Athijha, everyone has been wondering when are you going back to your modeling career, are you still planning to go back?"

"What can you say about the rumours after your disappearance?"

"Excuse me, excuse me," I forced myself into the ocean of people and ran away from the paparazzi.

I immediately rode a taxi and went home. I sighed in relief when they failed to catch up with me. I comfortably leaned my head on the window but when my eyes darted on the rearview mirror, I sat straight with a wide eyes.

"Exiquel?"

"Good noon, ma'am. So, where's your destination?" I stared at him. I was about to give my response when he spoke. "Of course, into my heart."

It was cringey but it made me flushed. "No, no, just take me home."

"Am I not your home?" I gulped. "Because you are my home. You felt like home."

"Just please drive me to the nearest cliff."

"Are you planning to take your life? If you can't take care of it anymore, let me be your wings so you won't fall into the darkness."

I can feel my face heating up.

"Are you flirting with me?" I confidently asked.

"No," He answered which made me feel embarrassed. "I'm trying my luck, love me again, Athijha."

I can't suppress the uncontrollable sobs that stops me from speaking straight.

"Stop whatever you're trying to do, Athijha." He said in a monotone statement after pushing me away like I ak the most disgusting woman.

"I, I'm just trying my luck to make you fall." I muttered under my breath.

"I love Cleandra. I agreed to be your wedded husband but that doesn't mean I gave myself a chance to fall for you." He grabbed my chin. "You ruined the years we spent together as a friend."

I covered my mouth and cried on the floor the whole night. I waited and waited for him to come home but I just know that he's out with Clea. I clutched my stomach and begged the heavens to lessen the burden I have been carrying.

"Huh? Love you again? But I don't remember loving you, Exiquel." I chuckle. "Stop kidding me. Why are you driving a taxi anyway?"

"This isn't a taxi, Athijha, this is my beloved Porsche." My jaw dropped.

"What?"

"Seems like you're too preoccupied to notice that you rode the wrong vehicle. Good thing it was me."

I rolled my eyes. "How I wish it wasn't you. You're such a flirt." I retorted with sarcasm.

"This is me, being in love, Athijha," He then smiled with overflowing sorrow. "How I wish wasn't dumb enough to make you feel so worthless when you deserved to worth more than anything in this lifetime."

I stared at him when a fragmented images flashed in my mind.

"You don't even worth a thing to me, selfish bitch."

"Esmeray, your second name describes my end when you're not in my life."

"Death," I muttered.

"You'll be the death of me. Please, remember me, baby."

Quel parked his car and brought me at the cliff. I sat at the edge and watched the stars above us.

"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" He asked out of nowhere.

My eyes darted on the moon. I tilted my head and tried to focus on it but the stars seems to pull me.

I shook my head. "No, it's not." I uttered. "It's not like I am trying to plot an arguement but as far as I'm concerned, the sky will be so much better without the moon. Just the glittering stars on the night sky."

I extended my hands and tried to reach for them even if I know they're too far away and it's impossible to touch them.

"It'll be a total darkness in the evening," He said with a cute smile.

"Without the moon, the stars will shine better and will stop being a shadow of the moon. Just like how life works, a lot of people became a standard of beauty, of attitude, of everything and the rest of the population became their shadows and used them to discriminate the people who are so much far from their standard. Do get what I am saying?"

I faced him and began to panic when I saw how he cried in silence.

"Oh my gosh, why are you crying?" I searched for my handkerchief and handed it to him. When he refused to take it, I used my thumb to wipe away the tears on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry, Jha. Forgive me, it's all my fault. It's on me, Athijha," He buried his face on my neck and apologized nonstop.

My eyes started tearing up when he finally gave up and let me hear his whimpers and the sound of his cries.

"Babe, you used to love how the moon shined in the darkness," He's hurting. "You used to ask me how beautiful it is. You used to love me more than anything. Please, let's go back to how it was."

A bead of tear fell from my eyes. He tightened his hug but I can't bring myself to return the hug or even just pat his shoulder and caress his back.

"Jha, take me back. Make me your moon again and I promise not to fail you once more. Take me back, I promise to shine brighter."

After series of poses, the photoshoot has finally ended. I changed back to my clothes and bade my farewell. I smiled to all the staffs and greeted them.

"Miss Athijha, are you heading home?" Becca asked.

"Come on, Becca, how many times do I have to tell you to just drop the formality and call me on by my nickname instead," I laughed when she looked down and eyed me shyly.

"Uhm, Thank, ehem, thank you, Jha."

"See you around, Becca." I waved at her and get down to the parking lot.

I closed my eyes and leaned my head on the steering wheel. I stared at the text message I sent five hours ago. I recieved nothing in return.

Quel, it's our second month of marriage, don't you remember?

I went home and he's nowhere to be found. I removed my make up before I took a shower. I laid on our bed and took the picture frame on the table.

This was the last moment we were happy. It was taken on my nineteenth birthday and I was the only girl he danced with that night. I was wearing Cinderella's gown and he was my prince charming. The moon was in its closest to the Earth and even more brighter than the usual. We danced and danced and danced until midnight.

I drove to his condo and I was right, he stayed there. I cried silently while leaning at his rooms door.

"Harder, Quel. Ugh ah..."

"Damn it, babe, you fuck good,"

I forced myself to stand up and with my wobbling knees, I ran away. I drove somewhere far and when I arrived at the ocean, I suddenly want to drown myself and leave everything behind.

Quel, it's been two months since we got married and within that two months, all you brought to me was pain. But fuck this love, I can't bring myself to leave you. I love you more than anything.

"Aaahhhhh! Quel, today is our second month of marriage! Damn, and you spent your night fucking another woman?" I fell on the rough sand. "I know you love her so much and I have no match to her, but today should be ours but you disregarded me."

"It hurts a lot! Dear moon, you know so much about us, please, do something to help him see my worth," The water is already above my waist. "Or at least, can you just take me up there?" I tried to reach the moon until the waters consumed my body.

I have no plan to resurface again. I let myself get drowned and get swayed by the ocean. But how funny, fate played with my life again. Someone pulled and lifted me until I was able to breath with the seabreeze.