Standing at my Mother's grave holding a bouquet of Daffodils in my hand,I felt the unbearable sadness looking back at the crazy night that took her from us.I never would have thought that at such a young age,Finley and I would be without parents to care for us.We weren't little kids that needed our Mom and Dad to tuck us in at night,but we still needed them all the same.
I wish things were different!!
I wish we knew who did this to us,who ruined our family by running that stop sign.The person responsible for this is a coward and a killer,who needs to own up to their actions.
"Life is cruel."I muttered,as I placed the Daffodils down on my Mother's grave.
"Our parents wouldn't want you to hold on to that anger,Ness.It's been a year,we need to move forward and try to be happy."
My brother is a better person than I am,maybe that's because he doesn't know the full extent of someone's actions.Yes that drunk driver tore our family apart,but the aftermath of that is the constant struggle that resulted in my marriage to the Devil himself.
I wanted someone to pay,Just like we have been since the accident..And just like I will be for the next 359 days.Don't get my wrong,I'm grateful for Tom's offer and I know that Finley's career would be gone if it wasn't that I didn't accept..But every silver lining has a cloud..That big dark cloud is my Husband.
The September weather was here and the rain started to pour,I sniffled back tears as I stood in my soaking wet trench coat. My hair clung to my bare completion whilst my eyes were fixated on the swirling gold lettering on my Mother's headstone.
"We should get going,Ness."
I wanted to tell him..("No,Not yet..You go on without me.")But I know my brother,I know he won't leave without me no matter what I say.
I turned to my brother and smiled lightly,a front to show I was okay and he didn't have to worry."Sure,Let's get going."
Finley and I walked through the cemetery soaked to the skin,the sky above us was Grey and cloudy.It was fitting for the occasion that was today,a day of sorrow and despair.A day full of emotions and none of them were good ones.
"I have to get back to campus,I have a late make up class this evening that I need to prepare for."
I glanced over at my brother as he walked alongside me."You're not coming?"
"I can't..I'm sorry. But I'll go during the week when I get a break from classes,I promise."
I leaned in and gave my brother a hug."It's okay,I'll see you Sunday the usual place.Don't be late this time."
He chuckled,pulling back from my embrace."I won't. See you,Ness."
I waved my brother off and walked towards the waiting car. It was good of Tom to do this for me,to give me the support that I needed despite not knowing me all that well.I slipped into the passengers seat and closed the car door.
Tom looked over at me."Are you okay, Darling?"
"I'm fine."I sighed."I keep thinking that it's going to get easier but it never does. It still hurts just as much as it did a year ago."
"You will always feel that Loss for them,you'll learn to make room for the other emotions too.They will always be with you..No matter what."
I looked over and smiled lightly."Thank you,Tom.I needed that."
"You're Welcome,Darling."He pulled out of our parking space."So I take it you haven't told my son where you are today?"
I shook my head."No,I'm sure he's busy. I don't want to distract him when he's working.Honestly I'd rather keep this between us,If that's okay?"
"That's okay with me. Remember,you have a year with Jeremy,It might be a good idea to get to know each other."
Tom glanced over at me."The hospital next?"I felt bad having him chauffeur me around all day,but at the edge of retirement Tom seemed happy to have a reason to be away from the office.
"Yes,Please."
I stood by his bedside,looking at the fresh bouquet of expensive flowers on display. I wonder where these came from?Maybe a nurse..Maybe Finley. I shrugged it off and attended to the bouquet that I had brought.
"I know you don't care much for flowers,but I wanted to brighten up the place."I glanced over at him,hoping for movement just like I always do."Finley and I went to visit Mom,we brought her flowers too. Daffodils,her favourite."
I walked towards his bed and sat down beside him,my book of poetry was in my hands.Most of my body was wet apart from my feet that were covered up with my Dr Marten boots.
I opened up the book of poetry and looked up at him."I really hope you can hear me,DadI'm reading your favourite,I carry your heart with me,By E.E Cummings."
I've grown up listening to my Father reading poetry,I've fallen asleep many a night listening to him read his favourite by E.E Cummings.As a English Lit Teacher,my Father had always had a love for poetry and books.It was his thing.
We were very close..Best Friends actually. At times in my life when I needed advice,it was always my Father I would go to. He always sat and listened to my problem no matter what it was.I sit here a couple of times a week, telling him my problems like I've always done. Only now,I don't get an answer.I have to figure my crap out alone.
The door to the hospital room opened and Judy my Father's nurse walked in,"Hi,Vanessa.I didn't see you come in."
"Well today is the Anniversary so I wanted to see him."I looked over at my Father."I had hoped today would be the day that we would get him back."
She smiled lightly and rubbed my shoulder,I think it was her way of showing comfort because she didn't know what to say.Judy is a woman in her early fifties that's taken care of my Father this past year.
"Who brought that expensive bouquet of flowers?"I nodded my head in it's direction.
"Oh Them,I don't know. They were delivered from the florist and there was no card left with them.Very expensive bunch,Aren't they?"
Maybe an old friend of my Father's had them delivered since it's the anniversary."They're nice,I wish I could thank whoever paid for them."
"So it's almost a week to the day. You kept that man of yours very quite,I didn't know you were seeing anyone.I always got the impression that it was just you and Finley."
I looped a strand of hair behind my ear in awkwardness,I hate lying to people."Well Jeremy and I met and knew we were meant to be together,we didn't want to wait."
She smiled."Life is too short. I'm happy for you."
"Thanks,Judy. I'm happy with him."I looked down at the massive rock on my finger with my wedding band alongside it.If only they knew what went on behind closed doors.
Judy left the room and I continued reading aloud to my Father,one last poem before I leave.The weekend I dreaded because Jeremy doesn't work on the weekend so I'm sure he's going to be home more.I need to make myself scarce tomorrow,a day with Natasha would be nice.I've missed her since I've moved out.
I pressed a kiss to my Father's forehead."See you next week,Dad."I left the room and walked the corridor towards the elevator.
"Vanessa.."
I heard Judy's voice call and I turned around."Is everything okay?"
"Yes,But I just wanted to let you know that the overdrawn balance on your Father's hospital bill has been paid off.Your Father in Law,Thomas Austin handled everything."
Tom paid my Father's bill,that was never something that was part of the Arrangement we made."Okay,Thanks Judy."
Tom drove his car passed the guarded gates to Jeremy's mansion.It wasn't my home,so I wasn't going to be a hippocratic and call it so.Tom and I were mid conversation about my Father's hospital bill,as we pulled up out front.
"I didn't expect you to do that,Tom."
He took my hand in his and smiled."You're an Austin now,Darling.Money is not something you need to worry about."
I opened the door of Tom's car,ready to go back to Hell.Just go in there and try to be nice,if Jeremy is even home that is.It was late now,but he's a workaholic so he could be still at the office.
Tom stepped out of the drivers side."I'll go in with you..I need to have a word with my Son."
Tom and I walked up the front steps and walked in the front door.Music was playing and the smell of smoke filled the air,like the smell of cigar smoke.He must be having a party.
Tom walked alongside me."Well at least we know he's home."
We walked the hallway towards the living room,I would rather cower off to my room but I wanted to show Tom that I was at least trying to tolerate his son.As we walked into the living room,the first thing that came into view was Jeremy's mostly naked body.He was sat on the Black Fabric sofa with a cigar in his hand and a Red headed woman sitting mostly naked beside him.She was kissing his neck whilst massaging the bulge in his trousers.
"What is going on here?"Tom shouted.
Both of them looked in our direction,the red headed woman jumped from her place and covered her exposed breasts.
Jeremy grabbed a square cushion and covered his crotch,before turning down the music."Dad..What are you doing here?"
"I came to chat..But I see that you have your hands full.I guess I shouldn't be surprised that you couldn't step up to the plate and be a responsible man."
The red haired woman stood from the couch looking a little panicked."I'm sorry,I should go."She said in a french accent,and grabbed her things from the floor."She looked up at me again."I'm sorry."
The woman left the room to dress somewhere else.Walking in here I never would have expected to find Jeremy in the position I did,but at least it wasn't mid sex.I know this is his house,but he could of at least taken it to his bedroom.
"Is this really what you're doing with your day?"Tom shouted,then looked at the mess surrounding us.
Jeremy moved his fingers through his length of dark hair."I was working all day,I just got home an hour ago.I didn't think you were coming over, Dad."
"But you're wife was going to come home at some point."He pointed to me."This poor Girl shouldn't have to be a witness to this."
Jeremy looked at me,then looked over at his Father."She's not my wife,please stop acting like this is sometime that it's not."
Tom stepped closer to his son,tension was building between the two of them."I am ashamed of you,of your actions.Are you ever going to grow up and take responsibility"
"Im going to go to my room.Thanks for today,Tom."I walked out of the living room and left them to it,I didn't want to be in the middle of it even though technically it was about his unfaithfulness to our Fake marriage.
I didn't care!!
Jeremy Austin can sleep with whoever the hell he wants,as long as he doesn't jeopardise the Arrangement then I don't care.
JEREMYFucking Parents!!I love my Mother,but she's putting me in an awkward position and I wasn't happy about it.Lunch at her house just the four of us,including my arranged wife.I sighed in agitation,as I leaned back against the kitchen island with my arms folded across my chest. I was contemplating telling them that she couldn't make it. But I know my Mother,she will ask me a million questions and I'll never hear the end of it."Fuck!!"Three to Four hours of fake bullshit,I couldn't bare it.Vanessa was good at playing the doting Daughter in law,too good actually. Fucking Bite the Bullet and make her go,get her up out of bed.It was almo
VANESSAToday's dinner with the Austin's was more eventful than I thought.Ava's surprise Honeymoon Gift for Jeremy and I had me feeling a little anxious,which I'm sure wasn't the emotion that she had in visioned when she surprised us.Living in Jeremy's house wasn't easy for me,although I never see him.Having to spend a week with him in a romantic honeymoon suite,having to sleep in the same room as each other for the first time since we said our wedding vows..It's going to be the Honeymoon from Hell with the Devil himself."You need some more Eyeshadow.Your eyes are definitely your best feature so let's make them sparkle."Natasha dabbed the eyeshadow brush in some dark glitter eyeshadow."I don't want to look slutty."She chuckled."You won't look slutty,You'll look hot. I do your makeup all the time,Just trust me,Hon."I sighed."Alright."A night o
I was standing in front of my mirror looking at my reflection,grimacing at the bruising around my eye and the bridge of my nose. This is what a night out resulted in,I wish I didn't bother now. It's going to take a lot of make up to cover up this mess.To my surprise,Jeremy rode home in the taxi with me last night,I guess he felt guilty. When we got home I grabbed some frozen peas from the freezer and went straight to my room,I haven't heard from him since. I know it was an accident,I'm not going to hold a Grudge over it. Although he really shouldn't have started that fight in the first place,the guy seriously has some anger issues.A knock came to my bedroom door."Vanessa..Come out here,we need to talk."Speak of the Devil!! I sighed,I guess I better face him now. I remember him telling me the day I moved into this house,that he would make me pay if I got in his way. Seeing how sorry he seemed over something that was an
JEREMY6:15 and there was no fucking sign of her,I was livid as I waited. I wondered if she was doing this to me just to be funny,or if she was trying to get back at me for the other day."Bitch!!"I mumbled. Although there was worse things I could say about the woman that is my wife. I imagine she's a virgin,the look of shock on her face when I took my clothes off in front of her the other day led me to believe that she was. I should of fucking took my cock out just to scare her away.Alma had left for the day and I was at home alone,which was rare these days. I looked at my bottle of Macallan on the counter,feeling the urge to have a drink. It's been a long fucking day at the office and I had to leave early for this fucking dinner,never mind the headache that's been coming on for the past hour of stressful waiting.I was just about to grab the bottle off the counter,when I heard the sound of
JEREMYI walked down the stairs dressed for the day ahead,but feeling like death after one too many Macallan's at last night's business dinner. Thankfully I wasn't the only one in the same boat,I remember Colin stumbling out of the restaurant too. That's what I call a good business dinner,although I'm not sure my Father would agree with me.I walked into the kitchen and saw her standing at the island,a coffee in one hand and a book in the other. Vanessa struck me as the type of woman that liked to read in her spare time instead of going out and having fun. Typical!!She glanced up from her page when she heard me walk her way."Good Morning.""Is it?"I replied,walking past her and straight to the coffee machine. I hate that she's so chirpy in the morning..It kills me. What's there to be so fucking happy about?"I'm guessing you're hung over after last night then,there's headache tabl
I was drumming my fingers lightly on the table,growing impatient the more time went on. Natasha was sitting across from me checking her watch every 5 minutes and clearly not impressed by my Husbands tardiness.That Prick is standing me up and I was absolutely livid about it. What happened to the agreement that we made?He gets to do what he wants for one night a week,for one simple dinner with my friend in return. He couldn't even do that.Jeremy was supposed to meet me at the Studio an hour ago,he didn't show so I had to make my own way here.I've called him but didn't get an answer,so I texted him the address of the restaurant so he knows where I am. There's still no sign of him,I guess he's too busy doing god knows who,to show his face."I don't think he's coming,Hon."Natasha looked down at her little white wristwatch."He's over an hour late."I sighed."I'm sure he just got held up and forgot. He's just
The cold weather had started now that it was the end of November. My three months of Marriage to Jeremy thankfully didn't drag by like I thought they would. I've been keeping myself busy which explains why. Jeremy keeps himself busy with his work so I don't see much of him,unless it's a dinner or something family related that we have to attend together.It was Friday night and I was sitting on Natasha's couch,having a catch up with her and Alex. Like every Friday,I'm spending the night here so Jeremy can have his one night away from our Arrangement just like we agreed upon."You know I love having you stay the night,Hon.Especially since we can have our Girlie catch up and a drink."Natasha smiled."But I'm sure you miss being away from Jeremy for one night a week?""Um,Sure I do.But Jeremy and I haven't been together all that long,we don't want to suffocated each other by being so close all the time. If we want us to
I was nearing the end of Mondays ballet class with the kids. Usually classes would help take my mind off any problem I'm facing,yet my current problem is very much whirling around in my head.I need to focus..Not on what happened on Friday night,but on anything but that."Pile.."I said,and all kids did as I instructed and bent at the knees. I stood back and watched proudly as they continued with the routine."Excellent,I like what I'm seeing.""Vanessa."I heard his deep voice from behind me and my heart jumped into my throat.Did I just imagine that? If not he's here in my ballet studio..But why?I turned around and saw that he was in fact behind me,dressed in his designer suit,that didn't have a crease in sight. As always he didn't have a dark hair out of place. I admired that he always looks so presentable,even if his attitude wasn't.I tucked a curl of light brown hair around my e