[Atlas] “Atlas?” Sydney is staring at me, her fork halfway between her plate and her mouth. “Did you hear what I just said?” I take a moment to readjust my thoughts. I had been thinking about this morning again, and the look on Cordelia’s face right before she signed those papers. “I’m sorry, I have a lot on my mind.” She smiles brightly, instantly forgiving me. “Of course. I was just trying to invite you over to my family’s LA home this weekend. My parents will be flying back home soon, and they wanted to have an “American-style barbeque” before heading back to Toronto.” She then pauses, taking a moment to survey my outfit before saying. “Do you have cowboy boots and a hat?” “Why?” I wonder where this is going. Surely her parents don’t think that all Americans eat barbeque while wearing cowboy attire. “Oh, it’s just that it’s a costume party. The theme is Wild Wild West. I thought I’d go as a…Saloon Girl,” she blushes. “I was hoping you’d come with me and be the sheriff or may
[Cordelia] “You still have two weeks until the show, Cordy! Make sure you get some fresh air today!” “No promises!” I call after Tilly as she leaves for the office. I am so grateful to have a friend like Mathilda. Not only is she giving me a place to work and live, but she cares enough about me to make sure that I do basic things to take care of myself–like exercise and eat. But I cannot stop working, not until I finish these patterns. I have two weeks to make this line perfect before presenting it at the LA Market and Fashion Expo. There will be vendors from all over the world present and a show like this can launch a career. Entering my collection into this show was expensive, eating up most of what remained of my limited savings. Pulling a pencil from behind my ear, I lean forward and begin sketching out a shape when I hear my phone ring with a tone I haven’t heard in several weeks. It’s my mysterious anonymous unlisted friend. The message contains a series of imag
Tomorrow is still a day away, however, and I doubt I’ll see Jude before then. We both have busy days ahead of us. Looking over at the pile of work waiting for me, I sigh, wishing I had taken him up on his invitation for coffee. My stomach starts to grumble at the thought of coffee and a large pastry. I’ve been so busy that I forgot to eat. Again. So I make a small brunch of eggs and toast. I don’t reel like making a whole pot of coffee, so I pour myself a glass of orange juice before I sit down to start working again. I’m about two bites in before I need to rush to the toilet. Everything I just ate, along with everything still in my stomach from the night before comes out in a rush. I’ve never felt so sick before in my life. Even after throwing up, there is a pervasive feeling of nausea that lasts the rest of the morning. Just the smell of coffee is enough to make me swallow down bile. Later in the day, I try again to eat a banana. I don’t even finish the first bite before I
[Cordelia] As I cry, I think about all of the terrible things Atlas will say about me when he finds out. It isn’t hard to imagine his voice belittling me, scolding me for being so irresponsible. I already know that someone like me shouldn’t be a mother. What do I have to offer this child other than my imperfect self? I have no job and no family I can depend on. He’ll assume I am trying to trap or use the baby as some kind of leverage to get him to do what I want him to do. I sit up a little straighter. I don’t have time for this. I need to finish this line and be the very best I can be because the only way I’ll be able to raise this little one on my own is to make myself into a success. We don’t need Atlas Steele. Just because this baby is a part of Atlas, doesn’t mean that Atlas needs to be a part of my life. I will give this small wonder all the love he or she needs. I spend the next several hours working non-stop on my prototypes. By the time Tilly comes home from work, I
[Cordelia] “Cordy, what’s wrong?” I look up to see Tilly watching me. Seeing her look of concern I almost start to cry. “Nothing,” I lie. “I just… I just saw Atlas is here with…her.” I don’t need to tell Tilly who. She and I have had enough late-night cry sessions to know exactly why seeing them together might make me upset. “If you want, we can leave,” Tilly suggests, picking up her coat. “I don’t want you to suffer…” “No,” I insist, wiping my tears away. “See, I’m fine. In fact, I think I’m going to go over there and say hi.” I try to appear pleasant, but inside I am angry, sad, and frustrated. I am feeling it all at once. It's worse than going through puberty. I’d almost rather be a confused teenager again. Maybe if I go over there, be direct, and stop hiding in the corner, I can feel more like a grown-up in control of her life. “Atlas,” I smile as brightly as I can manage while on the verge of tears. “And Sydney! I just saw you two over here and wanted to say congratul
[Cordelia] I am reclining on a chaise lounge on our balcony. Nothing is broken or sprained, but every muscle on the right side of my body feels like it has been sent through a blender. The deep purple bruise tinged on the edges with green covers the entire right side of my body, the worst of which is my hip where the car hit me. “What are you up to…” Tilly leans over my shoulder. I put a finger to my lips begging her to keep quiet as I point down at the street. “Well hello there Dr. Smexy…” Jude slowly pulls off his wet t-shirt, the edges sticking to his shining bronze flesh, accentuating every curve of his spectacular pectorals. “Shhhh!!!” I hush her loudly. Jude hasn’t noticed me sitting up here watching yet and I don’t want her excited shrieks to catch his eye. I hadn’t intended to be a peeping tom, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away once he started scrubbing his car with soapy rags looking so…wow. I might be divorced, but I’m not dead. “Jesus Christ Almighty. Tell me agai
[Cordelia] Tilly looks up and drops her keys, her mouth open slightly. Blinking she closes her mouth. “Oh, I’m sorry I didn’t realize that you were…” She looks at his hand on my thigh. “Having an examination…” “Oh, yeah, um…” I reach down to pull up my pants, wincing. “I think we are done.” Tilly shakes her head, amused by my embarrassment. “No need to rush, but if you could call the repairman that would be great.” She picks up her keys and heads out the door. As I wave goodbye, I grab my phone and dial the number. When I finally get through to make an appointment, the earliest the repair man can get here is next Thursday after 3 pm. “Agh, that’s not going to work,” I set my phone down after writing the appointment on the wall calendar. Jude looks concerned so I explain. “I need to get these clothes cleaned and pressed so that they’ll be ready for the show ” I point to the pile of clothing lying in a heap in a corner of the room. “I guess I’ll have to take it all to the lau
[Atlas] Watching Cordelia fall into the street, knowing that I was the one who put her there, made my blood run cold. Regardless of how things may have turned out between us, I would never do anything to risk her safety. And yet, that is exactly what I did when I let my anger get the worst of me. I hope she can forgive me. I was going to send the rest of her things from our house to her new address, but it’s close enough to my office that I decided to hand deliver it. That way I can check in on her at the same time and make sure her injuries do not need greater care. She may not be my wife anymore, but I will always feel honor-bound to be responsible for her. It is what her sister would have wanted. But also, it is what I want. I want her to know that she can always depend on me and that she never needs to fear me again. The drive to her place from my office is short. Soon I am standing on the sidewalk underneath her balcony, looking up at the warm light coming from her