I let the water run down over me in the shower in the hopes that it would wash away whatever this was that I was feeling. It was the only place where I could be alone these days. Ever since that night that I'd rushed out of the house to go lick my wounds after listening to her song, Janie has been on my ass like stink on shit.Since I refused to answer her questions and she still had no idea where I'd gone or what I'd been doing, she's become even more neurotic than ever. I've been in hell ever since that night, vacillating between happiness, anger, relief, and uncertainty.I was proud of her, of course, though I had to keep it hidden. I must be the only human being on earth who wasn't allowed to show his true feelings one way or the other about her chart-topping song.I knew it was about me; how could I not? Everybody knew it was about me unless they lived under a rock. And even though she'd ripped me to shreds with her words, I can never forget the way it felt to see her again.She l
Yes, this is a new chance, a new beginning. It has nothing to do with the entertainment industry, and it's so far out of my comfort zone that I wouldn't know where to begin, but somehow, I know, deep down, that this is what I need to be doing at this time. Not only will it help others, but it will go a long way to helping me. But where do I start?For someone who wanted to lay low, my thoughts were leading me down a rather sticky path. But the more I think about it, the more sound it seems. How relieving it would be to just come out of the dark and stop living with the ever-present fear of always being found out.The more I thought of it as the night went on, the more at peace I felt with the idea. Is this what I needed all along? Is this part of what had been holding me back? But where do I start? I doubt my management team would take kindly to me exposing something that I'd gone to such great lengths to keep hidden. Their biggest worry would be, of course, what the public would thin
"Is that what Mary said to do? A smear campaign?""Pretty much, yeah.""But how? That idiot is so squeaky clean that there's nothing to say that would put her in a bad light. Believe me; I've looked.""So find something or make it up.""Making it up is easy, but what if Ryder sees it?""How will he? Aren't you still controlling his social media accounts?""Yes, I am. Look, maybe up until a week ago, I would've agreed with you, but I don't know. Lately, he's been acting kinda strange, and it all started when she released that first single. Now I don't know anymore. Everything seems to be getting away from me.""Stop whining; I'm getting sick of your attitude. This is what you said you wanted. We did a lot to get here; now, think of something. I refuse to believe that I raised a daughter who can't figure out how to get her own husband in her bed. It's been three and a half years. The guy was a fucking dog before you got married now he's a saint?""How do you know about that? That we hav
The last few months have been hell. I kept playing her song over and over again for hours. It was the only thing I had of her, the only thing giving me joy. Thank fuck for AirPods and my ability to pretend because Janie had started trying to control even that until I yelled at her so loudly, she almost fell back from the force.I think I saw real fear in her eyes that day. I'm not sure if she was afraid of me hitting her, something I'd never done, or if she'd realized something else she should be afraid of. I'm not sure how long it was gonna take for her to see the hate I felt for her. Of course, I've done my best to hide it from her; I'm not such a dick that I can blame her entirely for the mess I'd made of my life. But there were days when I looked at her, and it was hard to keep the hate and dislike hidden.I hadn't seen Elena since that night at the award show, but it seems like I'm hearing about her more and more of late. She's on the front of every magazine and seems to be the s
"This is gold. Some of the best sh*t you've ever written." At least that was something, and I know from the way you're all looking at me that you know exactly who every one of them is about. I didn't say shit because they didn't say shit, and that was that. I knew before I brought it to them that it was some of my best work. Because even if she wasn't there with me in the flesh, I had felt her spirit all over me in that studio. Just the memories of her had been enough to keep that fire ablaze, and the words kept coming as if they'd been locked away in there, just waiting to be released."So, when can I start the tour?""That's what I like to hear. Let's get these on the air, and then we'll get that all sorted. I think maybe a couple of months." I was shaking my head long before he said his last word."No, I need to get moving now. Do the release sooner and promote the tour at about the same time. I know it's not usually done, but I'm Ryder, and I can pull it off."I left them to their
"Who says it's about me?" I kept my face hidden from Sydney, who was trying to get a rise out of me. She's been going on and on since she got here about Ryder's latest hit and how it was all about me. "I'm telling you, that's all anyone can talk about. It's so damn obvious." And she sounded so pleased at that prospect."Don't you want to at least hear it?" This was a change from her usual refrain. She'd have cut her arm off just a few weeks ago before letting anything having to do with Ryder near me. Now here she was, trying to talk me into it. "You know you want to. I know you've never gotten over him, and that's something I've had to accept.""I wasn't going to say anything, but after watching your documentary, I'm ready to admit that you're strong enough to make your own decisions. I'm not saying you should dive back into social media, no one should have to deal with that cesspool, but this, I think you can handle."I've been tempted to listen to the song that everybody's been talk
"It didn't work; nothing is working. Now all anyone can talk about is how brave she is, and that fucking documentary made it look as if Ryder and I were in the wrong." I wiped my runny nose with the back of my hand and looked around the kitchen island through puffy eyes."I don't remember her mentioning you.""Isn't it obvious, Nicole? If she's mentioning her breakup with Ryder, then, of course, she's talking about me. Don't you think so, Noel?" Of course, she was talking about me, you bitch. I'm his wife; I'm the one who took him away; I won.Why is my life going to shit? And why are these two bitches just standing here acting like the same old same old? I bet they're happy about all this. I bet this was part of their plan. I know that fucking Noel wants to screw my husband, or is it, Nicole? Or maybe both.I looked back and forth between the two of them as my pulse started racing, and my head felt as if it was about to explode. I've tried everything to get Elena Gianni out of the way
Why did this have to happen now? "I thought you said I was in the clear?" Don't panic, don't panic, don't panic. Huh, easier said than done. At least the shock wasn't as bad as the first time I'd heard those dreaded words. I wonder how most people handle stuff like this.The first time around, the fear had been so great I was sure there was no way I was going to make it. That time had come at the darkest time in my life when everything had been turned upside down, and I didn't really want to live until I was almost certain that I would die. Then my life became the most precious thing to me, and I would've done anything to hold onto it.Things were much different this time around. It was the complete opposite situation. I was finally able to see light at the end of the tunnel; I was finally coming back into my own. I'd found that sweet spot between loving life and not giving a fuck. Now once again, that news was dropped into my lap like a hot potato that nobody wanted."Yes, but we also